Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
