New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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