Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
