I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
