Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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