Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can I color on your dick again?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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