The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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