Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
