VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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