Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
