hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
