tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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