shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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