I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My ass is underappreciated
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
