Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
