4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
