Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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