What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
