We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
