I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
