I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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