Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
