the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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