Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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