the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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