tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She's better-looking with the mask on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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