the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
