His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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