He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
