you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
