Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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