census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
