about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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