is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
