as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
