He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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