I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
