my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
