did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
