Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
