She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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