She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
