apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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