I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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