When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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