Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
