sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
