Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
