Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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