What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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