Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize