so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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