definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
