it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
