Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
