we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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