Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my being single is dangerous.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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