one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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