arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
