Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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