apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
