babies were throwing up all over the place
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
