she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
