What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
