i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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