It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This baby is an asshole
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
