I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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