dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
