he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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