need another drink. this is the easiest way
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
