Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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