You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
