4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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