the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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