next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize