My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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