I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bring me that man meat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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