honey bunches of taint.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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