I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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