We're facebook friends in real life
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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