I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
