I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
