WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
