I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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