that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
