Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
